Monday, January 30, 2012
Since day one, I’ve been writing the same song. I’ve been talking about the same stuff that’s around me. Only now do I realize where I went wrong. I won’t quit at what I best though, no, that wouldn’t make very much sense at this point. Instead I will transcend into something better. I must prove to myself that I have the ability to do what I want and say what I mean. Saying what I mean has become the most important thing for me and I will never give up that dream. There’s a fire inside my belly as we speak that does not let me forget. If I were too through in the towel now I would become something that I hate and I do not want to hate. I know I am a person worth loving but I am just not ready for it at the moment. There will be a time where I am completely ok in my skin and then you will see what I mean and by you I mean me. There’s a lot of fear inside me right now as I type this but I’m really trying to turn this into fuel. I’m trying to use this as inspiration. This keyboard is going to end up being my best friend and I know it. I must create in any way possible and I know I will make works of art. I’m trying to be as enthusiastic as I can about everything. I’ve been a negative soul since I can remember and recently I realized that it’s doing me great harm. I have a tendency to push others away, while not letting anyone truly get to know me. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism, but I have come to master this. I used to have no remorse being a loner in life until it started to push the person I love away from me. This is when I began to question what I truly want. From here on out I will not give a shit, I will flow with the current that’s around me. I can be happy if I want to be, for it is a choice.